1 00:00:00,460 --> 00:00:03,450 Happen we should... ..just get on with the wedding, 2 00:00:03,460 --> 00:00:07,690 and not tell anyone until it's all over and done with. 3 00:00:07,700 --> 00:00:09,530 I've never been a best man. 4 00:00:09,540 --> 00:00:12,690 It's something I'd like to do, once, before I die. 5 00:00:12,700 --> 00:00:15,330 When I come back we really do need to work out what's what 6 00:00:15,340 --> 00:00:18,050 and whose is what, and all the rest of it. 7 00:00:18,060 --> 00:00:20,490 I think I'm a little bit in love with you. 8 00:00:20,500 --> 00:00:22,490 I need to tell you this thing. 9 00:00:22,500 --> 00:00:24,210 She slept with John. 10 00:00:24,220 --> 00:00:27,810 It's just a disappointment, isn't it? An ongoing disappointment. 11 00:00:27,820 --> 00:00:31,370 Who? Ellie. Girlfriend. She's not my girlfriend. 12 00:00:31,380 --> 00:00:32,970 Gillian's coming. 13 00:00:32,980 --> 00:00:34,850 Gillian? 14 00:00:34,860 --> 00:00:38,010 Yes. Oh, and Kate's moving in. 15 00:00:38,020 --> 00:00:42,570 They've got an appointment to get married at 11 o'clock this morning. 16 00:00:42,580 --> 00:00:44,220 KEYS RATTLE 17 00:01:37,180 --> 00:01:39,210 How long will it take? 18 00:01:39,220 --> 00:01:42,660 Oh, I don't know. Not long, I shouldn't think. 19 00:01:44,940 --> 00:01:46,250 DOOR OPENS 20 00:01:46,260 --> 00:01:47,930 This is Dave. 21 00:01:47,940 --> 00:01:51,050 He's kindly agreed to be our other witness. 22 00:01:51,060 --> 00:01:53,930 This is, er, Celia. 23 00:01:53,940 --> 00:01:55,210 How do you do? 24 00:01:55,220 --> 00:01:57,490 And this is Azeem. 25 00:01:57,500 --> 00:01:59,890 Do you know how long it's going to take? 26 00:01:59,900 --> 00:02:01,730 Er... Half an hour? 20 minutes? 27 00:02:01,740 --> 00:02:03,330 About that, yeah. 28 00:02:03,340 --> 00:02:05,930 I'm wondering if you'd be better off finding somebody else. 29 00:02:05,940 --> 00:02:07,810 Oh. Sorry. 30 00:02:07,820 --> 00:02:10,690 Are you on duty? Is he on duty? 31 00:02:10,700 --> 00:02:13,010 He shouldn't be wasting half an hour being a witness 32 00:02:13,020 --> 00:02:17,050 in a Registry Office if he's on duty. I don't mind. 33 00:02:17,060 --> 00:02:20,410 Would you be all right finding somebody else if I do bugger off? 34 00:02:20,420 --> 00:02:22,770 Well, yeah, obviously, I'll have to. 35 00:02:22,780 --> 00:02:25,250 What if I gave you a £20 note? 36 00:02:25,260 --> 00:02:27,410 Oh. Well... 37 00:02:27,420 --> 00:02:29,780 Yeah. OK. 38 00:02:30,940 --> 00:02:32,490 A £20 note? 39 00:02:32,500 --> 00:02:35,330 Yeah. Each? Yeah. 40 00:02:35,340 --> 00:02:39,410 Not between us. Yeah, both of you. 41 00:02:39,420 --> 00:02:41,290 Well, that's sorted! 42 00:02:41,300 --> 00:02:44,090 And now we're ready! 43 00:02:44,100 --> 00:02:45,890 He's a policeman! 44 00:02:45,900 --> 00:02:48,610 He shouldn't be fleecing pensioners. 45 00:02:48,620 --> 00:02:52,050 And Azeem obviously needs to be somewhere else. 46 00:02:52,060 --> 00:02:54,940 You're fine, love. I'll just say I got delayed. 47 00:02:57,660 --> 00:03:00,570 Do you know Paul Jatri? 48 00:03:00,580 --> 00:03:02,060 Should I? 49 00:03:03,220 --> 00:03:05,930 Celia Dawson and Alan Buttershaw? 50 00:03:05,940 --> 00:03:07,850 Yeah, that's us. Oh, that's us. 51 00:03:07,860 --> 00:03:11,300 Are you ready to come up? Yep, yeah. 52 00:03:26,740 --> 00:03:29,850 I'm not too late? Alan Buttershaw and Celia Dawson? 53 00:03:29,860 --> 00:03:32,180 Just...just up the stairs. 54 00:03:34,260 --> 00:03:37,170 And could you just confirm your date of birth for me, please, Alan? 55 00:03:37,180 --> 00:03:40,010 15th December, 1936. 56 00:03:40,020 --> 00:03:44,210 No, fine, you carry on! Don't tell us. 57 00:03:44,220 --> 00:03:47,090 We don't mind. We're just your daughters. 58 00:03:47,100 --> 00:03:48,850 Is Caroline here? 59 00:03:48,860 --> 00:03:50,570 No, Celia. She isn't, 60 00:03:50,580 --> 00:03:53,250 because you can't get from Harrogate to Halifax 61 00:03:53,260 --> 00:03:55,010 in the space of 15 minutes. 62 00:03:55,020 --> 00:03:56,730 Not unless you're Captain Spock, 63 00:03:56,740 --> 00:04:00,370 and you can disappear up your own backside in a cloud of glitter 64 00:04:00,380 --> 00:04:03,690 with a cheesy sound effect, and land on another planet two seconds later. 65 00:04:03,700 --> 00:04:07,530 I don't think even Caroline can do that. I may be wrong. 66 00:04:07,540 --> 00:04:09,170 She means Mr Spock. 67 00:04:09,180 --> 00:04:11,690 Who's he?! That's Azeem. 68 00:04:11,700 --> 00:04:14,930 "Halifax's Finest Halal." Rawson Street, just on here. 69 00:04:14,940 --> 00:04:17,010 Well, it's not mine, it's me uncle's. 70 00:04:17,020 --> 00:04:18,530 How did you know...? 71 00:04:18,540 --> 00:04:20,450 Down the side of the settee. I thought... 72 00:04:20,460 --> 00:04:23,210 I didn't know what to think. And you know what, Dad? 73 00:04:23,220 --> 00:04:26,930 It's fine. You go live in Harrogate with your posh pals, 74 00:04:26,940 --> 00:04:29,290 don't bother speaking to me for two weeks, 75 00:04:29,300 --> 00:04:32,850 don't invite me to your f... bloody wedding. 76 00:04:32,860 --> 00:04:36,170 We used to talk to each other. Do you remember? 77 00:04:36,180 --> 00:04:37,850 Before you had your head turned. 78 00:04:37,860 --> 00:04:39,850 Don't you start on Celia. 79 00:04:39,860 --> 00:04:42,970 I suppose it hasn't occurred to you to ask why...? 80 00:04:42,980 --> 00:04:45,290 I don't want to hear your crappy little excuses. 81 00:04:45,300 --> 00:04:48,170 Y-you would never have done something like this before! 82 00:04:48,180 --> 00:04:51,210 You would never not have thought about me and Raff. 83 00:04:51,220 --> 00:04:52,810 But that's fine, 84 00:04:52,820 --> 00:04:55,290 if that's the way they do things in Harrogate. 85 00:04:55,300 --> 00:04:57,700 Enjoy. 86 00:05:03,100 --> 00:05:09,170 Have you any, ANY idea how worried and upset I've been, eh? 87 00:05:09,180 --> 00:05:10,530 You haven't a f... 88 00:05:10,540 --> 00:05:12,300 bloody clue! 89 00:05:21,820 --> 00:05:25,690 Are we, er... carrying on, then, or what? 90 00:05:25,700 --> 00:05:28,250 Oh, damn. I feel a bit shaken now. 91 00:05:28,260 --> 00:05:32,530 Would you like a few minutes? Just to gather your thoughts? 92 00:05:32,540 --> 00:05:34,650 Maybe I should ring Caroline. 93 00:05:34,660 --> 00:05:37,370 That's up to you. Have a seat. 94 00:05:37,380 --> 00:05:39,220 She'll be busy. 95 00:05:40,500 --> 00:05:43,340 I haven't turned your head, have I? 96 00:05:45,260 --> 00:05:49,130 Ignore her. Oh, damn. 97 00:05:49,140 --> 00:05:51,620 It must have fallen out of my pocket. 98 00:05:52,820 --> 00:05:56,570 It was just meant to be a bit of fun, you see, 99 00:05:56,580 --> 00:05:58,930 getting married in secret. 100 00:05:58,940 --> 00:06:01,890 Well, and romantic. 101 00:06:01,900 --> 00:06:05,580 And we were just going to tell 'em all afterwards. 102 00:06:06,940 --> 00:06:09,930 We thought they'd think it was funny. 103 00:06:09,940 --> 00:06:13,290 We thought they'd be pleased for us. 104 00:06:13,300 --> 00:06:16,020 It doesn't seem the same now, if they know. 105 00:06:17,140 --> 00:06:20,370 Well, they do know, clearly. 106 00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:23,490 We weren't doing it just for effect. 107 00:06:23,500 --> 00:06:26,090 We are actually in love with each other. 108 00:06:26,100 --> 00:06:28,100 We have been since we were kids. 109 00:06:29,500 --> 00:06:32,380 I don't think we should let it make any difference. 110 00:06:42,060 --> 00:06:44,460 SHE SOBS 111 00:06:54,020 --> 00:06:55,660 SHE SNIFFS 112 00:07:00,180 --> 00:07:02,180 PHONE RINGS 113 00:07:03,900 --> 00:07:05,290 SHE GROANS 114 00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:07,540 Oh, you can do one. 115 00:07:09,420 --> 00:07:11,090 'I can't take your call just now, 116 00:07:11,100 --> 00:07:14,890 but if you leave a message, I'll ring you back.' 117 00:07:14,900 --> 00:07:17,850 Gillian, it's Caroline. I'm sorry I couldn't talk properly earlier, 118 00:07:17,860 --> 00:07:19,970 I was just, erm... 119 00:07:19,980 --> 00:07:22,010 Are you all right? 120 00:07:22,020 --> 00:07:25,820 Look. Ring me if you want to, I'm sure it's... They'll just... 121 00:07:26,980 --> 00:07:31,050 Oh, I don't know. I'll try you again in a bit, OK? Bye-bye. 122 00:07:31,060 --> 00:07:32,650 KNOCK AT DOOR 123 00:07:32,660 --> 00:07:35,650 Caroline? John's on the phone. 124 00:07:35,660 --> 00:07:37,260 Put him through. 125 00:07:42,780 --> 00:07:44,500 PHONE RINGS 126 00:07:46,420 --> 00:07:48,090 'Ello, 'ello. 127 00:07:48,100 --> 00:07:49,570 'Hiya.' 128 00:07:49,580 --> 00:07:51,620 You all right? 'Been better.' 129 00:07:53,700 --> 00:07:55,780 What time's your dinner break? 130 00:07:57,180 --> 00:07:58,770 John. 131 00:07:58,780 --> 00:08:00,660 It's me. 'Yes.' 132 00:08:04,260 --> 00:08:07,130 Hello? 'Can I talk to you?' 133 00:08:07,140 --> 00:08:10,890 Yes. No, I meant face-to-face. 134 00:08:10,900 --> 00:08:14,610 When? Sooner rather than later. 135 00:08:14,620 --> 00:08:17,530 Are you having a lunch break today, or just working through? 136 00:08:17,540 --> 00:08:19,290 What do you want to talk about? 137 00:08:19,300 --> 00:08:22,420 'Me. Us. Everything.' 138 00:08:23,860 --> 00:08:26,730 I can give you half an hour at 1:30 if it's important. 139 00:08:26,740 --> 00:08:31,810 Where? 'Well, it'd have to be here, in my office.' 140 00:08:31,820 --> 00:08:33,170 I think you're over-reacting. 141 00:08:33,180 --> 00:08:37,010 He thinks the sun shines out of her arse, and I'm just scum. 142 00:08:37,020 --> 00:08:39,450 Well, he might think the sun... whatever, 143 00:08:39,460 --> 00:08:42,410 but why does that mean he suddenly thinks that you're scum? 144 00:08:42,420 --> 00:08:44,730 Oh, just... 145 00:08:44,740 --> 00:08:49,090 He's taken up with her, he's in love. 146 00:08:49,100 --> 00:08:51,090 It's nice. 147 00:08:51,100 --> 00:08:52,650 You can't be jealous. 148 00:08:52,660 --> 00:08:55,690 I'm not jealous! Well, what is it then? 149 00:08:55,700 --> 00:08:57,490 Well, is it normal, 150 00:08:57,500 --> 00:09:00,210 not inviting any of your nearest and dearest to your wedding? 151 00:09:00,220 --> 00:09:02,890 Well... I could understand you being upset 152 00:09:02,900 --> 00:09:05,810 if they'd invited Caroline and not you, but they didn't. 153 00:09:05,820 --> 00:09:09,650 They obviously wanted this little secret...do. 154 00:09:09,660 --> 00:09:11,650 I think it's romantic. 155 00:09:11,660 --> 00:09:16,130 I think Caroline's right, they just want... Oh, f... Bloody Caroline. 156 00:09:16,140 --> 00:09:19,130 What's up with Caroline? I thought you were mates? Nothing! 157 00:09:19,140 --> 00:09:22,730 She walks on water. She's perfection in human form. 158 00:09:22,740 --> 00:09:27,650 And I'm just braindead low-life trailer-trash. Oh, yes. 159 00:09:27,660 --> 00:09:29,610 Is there something else going on? 160 00:09:29,620 --> 00:09:33,250 He's been in Harrogate two weeks. I've rung him four or five times, 161 00:09:33,260 --> 00:09:35,770 because I'm worried about him, and he knows I am, 162 00:09:35,780 --> 00:09:37,730 and he barely has time to speak to me. 163 00:09:37,740 --> 00:09:40,570 And when he does it's all very... 164 00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:42,210 tepid. 165 00:09:42,220 --> 00:09:44,500 Have you argued about something? 166 00:09:46,060 --> 00:09:50,290 No. Have you said something that's upset him? No! 167 00:09:50,300 --> 00:09:52,170 SHE SIGHS 168 00:09:52,180 --> 00:09:57,260 I think she thinks I'm a bit of a one. 169 00:09:58,380 --> 00:10:00,850 Which I might be, sometimes. 170 00:10:00,860 --> 00:10:05,490 But so what? Me dad's never minded before. Well, he has, but... 171 00:10:05,500 --> 00:10:08,090 I think she thinks our house is a right muck-hole, 172 00:10:08,100 --> 00:10:11,570 I can tell by t'look on her face. It's a farm! Get over it. 173 00:10:11,580 --> 00:10:15,980 Just cos I'm not sodding...perfect like Caroline. 174 00:10:18,140 --> 00:10:20,700 Do you want me to ring him? No. 175 00:10:22,540 --> 00:10:25,970 No. Oh, it's... 176 00:10:25,980 --> 00:10:27,460 No. 177 00:10:28,700 --> 00:10:31,140 Shall we get married and not tell anyone? 178 00:10:36,140 --> 00:10:38,210 I don't know what's happening to me. 179 00:10:38,220 --> 00:10:40,340 I don't know who I can... I can't... 180 00:10:41,620 --> 00:10:43,090 There's no-one I can... 181 00:10:43,100 --> 00:10:45,570 What do you want? 182 00:10:45,580 --> 00:10:48,820 I didn't mean... I meant generally, in life, now. 183 00:10:49,900 --> 00:10:51,450 What do you want? 184 00:10:51,460 --> 00:10:53,650 Focus on the future, not the past. 185 00:10:53,660 --> 00:10:57,650 I want you. I want everything to go back like it was. 186 00:10:57,660 --> 00:10:59,540 Right. 187 00:11:15,420 --> 00:11:17,490 I've moved on. 188 00:11:17,500 --> 00:11:20,290 You are going to have to get used to that, and when you do... 189 00:11:20,300 --> 00:11:21,770 My publisher's dropped me. 190 00:11:21,780 --> 00:11:24,690 Really? Really? 191 00:11:24,700 --> 00:11:27,060 Yeah. Oh, shit. 192 00:11:29,300 --> 00:11:31,730 Well, I'm... 193 00:11:31,740 --> 00:11:33,930 God, I'm sorry. 194 00:11:33,940 --> 00:11:39,010 I've squandered everything that mattered. I don't recognise myself. 195 00:11:39,020 --> 00:11:41,370 Could you get more work at the university? 196 00:11:41,380 --> 00:11:44,130 Yes, that's... It's... 197 00:11:44,140 --> 00:11:47,140 I can ask. But... 198 00:11:54,900 --> 00:11:56,860 Would you like some tea? 199 00:12:26,820 --> 00:12:28,740 DOOR OPENS 200 00:12:52,300 --> 00:12:54,060 I may have... 201 00:12:56,220 --> 00:12:57,700 ..over-reacted. 202 00:13:03,140 --> 00:13:07,690 You going to say anything? It were just meant to be a bit of fun. 203 00:13:07,700 --> 00:13:10,330 Bit of an adventure. 204 00:13:10,340 --> 00:13:14,090 Nobody was excluding anybody... 205 00:13:14,100 --> 00:13:16,290 as such. It were just... Yeah, right. 206 00:13:16,300 --> 00:13:18,970 Why would you think it was all about you? 207 00:13:18,980 --> 00:13:21,650 I didn't tell Caroline. 208 00:13:21,660 --> 00:13:23,650 Cos of... 209 00:13:23,660 --> 00:13:27,450 Cos of that what you said last time I saw you... 210 00:13:27,460 --> 00:13:29,490 about me mother. 211 00:13:29,500 --> 00:13:33,410 And then you don't speak to me for two weeks, hardly. 212 00:13:33,420 --> 00:13:37,730 And I have to rely on Caroline, this woman who... 213 00:13:37,740 --> 00:13:41,130 let's be honest, I hardly know. 214 00:13:41,140 --> 00:13:45,970 Having the courtesy to pick up the phone to me 215 00:13:45,980 --> 00:13:49,890 to know you're not... back in hospital, or worse. 216 00:13:49,900 --> 00:13:52,610 We came up wi' t'plan 217 00:13:52,620 --> 00:13:56,490 before we ever even had that conversation about your mum. 218 00:13:56,500 --> 00:13:59,850 We just didn't want a fuss, love. 219 00:13:59,860 --> 00:14:02,210 Your dad didn't, and neither did I. 220 00:14:02,220 --> 00:14:05,330 It were nothing to do with anything else. This is between me and him. 221 00:14:05,340 --> 00:14:08,690 I really would appreciate you not speaking to Celia like that. 222 00:14:08,700 --> 00:14:11,620 I don't believe you anyway. Right. 223 00:14:15,740 --> 00:14:20,010 You don't... You don't want a fuss? Fine. 224 00:14:20,020 --> 00:14:23,650 But why would you not want to share all of that with any of us? 225 00:14:23,660 --> 00:14:26,650 With Raff, with your mates? Not just me. 226 00:14:26,660 --> 00:14:29,530 I mean, Harry and Maurice were wetting themselves, they were... 227 00:14:29,540 --> 00:14:31,690 I've said what I've said. It's t'truth. 228 00:14:31,700 --> 00:14:35,620 If you're not prepared to accept it, there's very little I can do. 229 00:14:36,780 --> 00:14:39,210 What have you done to him? 230 00:14:39,220 --> 00:14:42,130 He didn't used to be like this. 231 00:14:42,140 --> 00:14:46,330 You'll be voting for Snooty Dave and his chums soon, Dad. 232 00:14:46,340 --> 00:14:48,970 You'll be buying the Daily Mail. I think we better go. 233 00:14:48,980 --> 00:14:51,170 Back to Harrogate, is it? 234 00:14:51,180 --> 00:14:54,690 I'll phone you when we arrive so you'll know we've got there safely. 235 00:14:54,700 --> 00:14:56,770 If you've time. 236 00:14:56,780 --> 00:15:00,890 I don't know how you can fashion talking to your dad like this, 237 00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:03,700 when you know how poorly he's been. 238 00:15:05,740 --> 00:15:08,650 Don't go...Dad. 239 00:15:08,660 --> 00:15:10,970 Well... 240 00:15:10,980 --> 00:15:14,460 the thing is, we're married now, so... 241 00:15:17,940 --> 00:15:21,690 You did it? Yeah, course we did it! 242 00:15:21,700 --> 00:15:24,250 So I'm going back to Harrogate with Celia, 243 00:15:24,260 --> 00:15:27,490 because that's always what t'plan were. 244 00:15:27,500 --> 00:15:31,010 Plan were to come and tell you first, because you're here, 245 00:15:31,020 --> 00:15:33,610 and Caroline second, because she's there. 246 00:15:33,620 --> 00:15:36,770 We had a bit of a debate about that, the logistics. 247 00:15:36,780 --> 00:15:40,330 Because we didn't want Caroline to feel she was any less important. 248 00:15:40,340 --> 00:15:45,490 But we couldn't think of a way round it...short of telephoning, 249 00:15:45,500 --> 00:15:49,290 but we wanted to see people's faces when we told them, 250 00:15:49,300 --> 00:15:52,490 because...I thought they'd be happy for us. 251 00:15:52,500 --> 00:15:54,050 Right. 252 00:15:54,060 --> 00:15:58,050 Well, if you'd had us all there you could have seen all our faces 253 00:15:58,060 --> 00:16:01,650 all at the same time, but obviously that wasn't what you wanted. 254 00:16:01,660 --> 00:16:04,290 Well... 255 00:16:04,300 --> 00:16:07,330 perhaps we have made a mistake. 256 00:16:07,340 --> 00:16:10,330 Well, we have, clearly, because this doesn't resemble, 257 00:16:10,340 --> 00:16:14,500 in any way shape or form, the happy moment we hoped it might be. 258 00:16:15,620 --> 00:16:17,690 SHE SNIFFS 259 00:16:17,700 --> 00:16:19,420 I'm sorry. 260 00:16:20,940 --> 00:16:23,690 I've over-reacted. 261 00:16:23,700 --> 00:16:26,450 If I hadn't found that card, I'd never have known, 262 00:16:26,460 --> 00:16:29,610 and you'd have just turned up all happy, and I'd have... 263 00:16:29,620 --> 00:16:33,530 probably been very happy to see you. 264 00:16:33,540 --> 00:16:36,450 But still...pissed off 265 00:16:36,460 --> 00:16:38,970 that you hadn't spoken to me properly for two weeks. 266 00:16:38,980 --> 00:16:42,170 Yes, you don't have to remind me that there was a... 267 00:16:42,180 --> 00:16:45,060 reason for not speaking to me. 268 00:17:10,580 --> 00:17:12,900 PHONE RINGS 269 00:17:15,020 --> 00:17:17,850 Hello? 'Mum? It's me.' 270 00:17:17,860 --> 00:17:21,170 Hiya. Is it all right if I bring Ellie home? 271 00:17:21,180 --> 00:17:22,690 For tea? 272 00:17:22,700 --> 00:17:24,730 'Ellie?' Yeah. 273 00:17:24,740 --> 00:17:28,410 She's not a vegetarian or anything dozy, is she? 274 00:17:28,420 --> 00:17:30,810 Well, actually, yeah, she is. 275 00:17:30,820 --> 00:17:34,650 'Right, well, I might have a carrot somewhere. 276 00:17:34,660 --> 00:17:36,330 'Your grandad's got married.' 277 00:17:36,340 --> 00:17:38,890 Me grandad?! 'Yeah.' 278 00:17:38,900 --> 00:17:40,170 What?! 279 00:17:40,180 --> 00:17:41,970 Yeah. 'When?' 280 00:17:41,980 --> 00:17:44,370 This morning. The jammy old b...! 281 00:17:44,380 --> 00:17:48,250 Were you there? Who were there? Nobody. Nobody was there. 282 00:17:48,260 --> 00:17:50,530 WHISPERS: Me grandad's got married! 283 00:17:50,540 --> 00:17:52,130 How come? 284 00:17:52,140 --> 00:17:53,890 ELLIE LAUGHS 285 00:17:53,900 --> 00:17:55,620 Your grandad? 286 00:17:56,780 --> 00:17:58,210 Is she laughing? 287 00:17:58,220 --> 00:17:59,700 ELLIE GIGGLES 288 00:18:22,260 --> 00:18:24,210 Married? 289 00:18:24,220 --> 00:18:26,530 Well, I don't know whether they actually did. 290 00:18:26,540 --> 00:18:29,690 Granny's got her mobile permanently on voice mail, 291 00:18:29,700 --> 00:18:32,370 so you know as much as me. Ring Alan's mobile. 292 00:18:32,380 --> 00:18:35,130 I don't think I've got his number. Ring Gillian again. 293 00:18:35,140 --> 00:18:37,810 I've rung her four times. I don't think she's speaking to me. 294 00:18:37,820 --> 00:18:41,330 Why? Oh, she was upset because they hadn't invited us, 295 00:18:41,340 --> 00:18:43,890 whereas I thought, well, I wouldn't have time to go anyway. 296 00:18:43,900 --> 00:18:46,690 Yes, you would! Kate, I haven't got time to get divorced, 297 00:18:46,700 --> 00:18:48,730 never mind going to other people's weddings. 298 00:18:48,740 --> 00:18:52,090 You are going to find time to get divorced. Where's Dad? 299 00:18:52,100 --> 00:18:54,850 He's at Judith's, I expect. I don't know. 300 00:18:54,860 --> 00:18:57,250 Angus said he saw him in school today. 301 00:18:57,260 --> 00:18:59,970 Yes, he was. Briefly. 302 00:18:59,980 --> 00:19:04,330 Why? We had something to discuss. 303 00:19:04,340 --> 00:19:06,250 Angus said he looked hungover. 304 00:19:06,260 --> 00:19:09,290 Yes, well, Angus has a very fertile imagination. 305 00:19:09,300 --> 00:19:10,970 What did he want to discuss? 306 00:19:10,980 --> 00:19:12,780 I'll tell you later. 307 00:19:14,620 --> 00:19:16,170 I know why they didn't invite us. 308 00:19:16,180 --> 00:19:18,370 Why? 309 00:19:18,380 --> 00:19:20,340 It's not rocket science, is it? 310 00:19:26,540 --> 00:19:29,210 You don't think they didn't invite anyone because of me? 311 00:19:29,220 --> 00:19:30,900 Us. You and me. 312 00:19:32,180 --> 00:19:33,980 What makes you think that? 313 00:19:38,740 --> 00:19:41,370 Thanks. 314 00:19:41,380 --> 00:19:44,650 What's she like? The lady he's married. 315 00:19:44,660 --> 00:19:46,290 She's kind of glamorous. 316 00:19:46,300 --> 00:19:48,810 How?! Me grandad thinks she is. 317 00:19:48,820 --> 00:19:50,730 And look at that car she persuaded him to buy. 318 00:19:50,740 --> 00:19:54,490 Well, he's mesmerised by her, isn't he? She's nice. She's funny. 319 00:19:54,500 --> 00:19:56,770 She's a bitch. What you on about? That's a bit strong. 320 00:19:56,780 --> 00:19:59,650 He'd never have had that heart attack if she hadn't been so nasty 321 00:19:59,660 --> 00:20:02,610 and small-minded...about Caroline. 322 00:20:02,620 --> 00:20:04,330 She's got this daughter. 323 00:20:04,340 --> 00:20:07,330 She's posh. Really brainy, really clever. Really nice. 324 00:20:07,340 --> 00:20:10,490 On what planet is Caroline "nice"?! She is! 325 00:20:10,500 --> 00:20:12,490 That night Celia and me grandad went missing, 326 00:20:12,500 --> 00:20:15,330 she was really supportive and kind... She was the one 327 00:20:15,340 --> 00:20:18,530 sat in this very chair, blubbing her eyes out, going, 328 00:20:18,540 --> 00:20:22,370 "Oh, I've been depressed." It was me, me, f... 329 00:20:22,380 --> 00:20:24,010 bloody me. 330 00:20:24,020 --> 00:20:26,370 Do you mind not swearing at the dining table, Mother? 331 00:20:26,380 --> 00:20:30,290 Do you mind not cracking these people up to be things they're not? 332 00:20:30,300 --> 00:20:34,290 She's got a doctorate in chemistry from Oxford. 333 00:20:34,300 --> 00:20:37,690 So what?! I bet she doesn't know how to deliver 334 00:20:37,700 --> 00:20:40,650 breached twin lambs at 3:00 in the morning, 335 00:20:40,660 --> 00:20:43,090 in a blizzard. 336 00:20:43,100 --> 00:20:44,650 I bet she does. 337 00:20:44,660 --> 00:20:46,340 THEY GIGGLE 338 00:20:58,300 --> 00:21:00,210 HE SIGHS 339 00:21:00,220 --> 00:21:02,930 Well, Mrs Buttershaw. 340 00:21:02,940 --> 00:21:05,290 Well, Mr Buttershaw. 341 00:21:05,300 --> 00:21:07,010 It's been quite a day. 342 00:21:07,020 --> 00:21:09,410 Every day with you seems to be quite a day, 343 00:21:09,420 --> 00:21:10,890 one way or another. 344 00:21:10,900 --> 00:21:14,530 I can't remember what I did with myself all day before I met you. 345 00:21:14,540 --> 00:21:16,410 No, I don't think I can. 346 00:21:16,420 --> 00:21:19,410 I just used to fart about and do bugger all. 347 00:21:19,420 --> 00:21:22,690 Oh, I'm quite fond of farting about and doing bugger all. 348 00:21:22,700 --> 00:21:24,770 I think it relaxes you. 349 00:21:24,780 --> 00:21:29,290 "Hobbies include farting about and doing bugger all." 350 00:21:29,300 --> 00:21:31,890 I might put it on my CV. 351 00:21:31,900 --> 00:21:33,410 Have you got one? 352 00:21:33,420 --> 00:21:35,010 Have I hell! 353 00:21:35,020 --> 00:21:37,810 I don't need one, I'm a woman of leisure. 354 00:21:37,820 --> 00:21:42,650 And means. Have been for some significant time. 355 00:21:42,660 --> 00:21:46,850 I'm quite a catch, let's face it, in oh so many ways. 356 00:21:46,860 --> 00:21:49,650 And modest, too. Hell, no! 357 00:21:49,660 --> 00:21:53,210 When did being modest ever get you anywhere? 358 00:21:53,220 --> 00:21:55,170 So. 359 00:21:55,180 --> 00:21:57,260 So... 360 00:21:58,460 --> 00:22:00,420 The wedding night! Hmm. 361 00:22:01,900 --> 00:22:05,850 60 years later than anticipated, maybe, but... 362 00:22:05,860 --> 00:22:07,890 Well worth the wait. 363 00:22:07,900 --> 00:22:10,930 Well, we'll find out, won't we? 364 00:22:10,940 --> 00:22:12,860 THEY LAUGH 365 00:22:14,540 --> 00:22:17,490 Had we not better knock on Caroline's door first? 366 00:22:17,500 --> 00:22:19,890 Oh, God. 367 00:22:19,900 --> 00:22:22,330 I wonder what Gillian's told her? 368 00:22:22,340 --> 00:22:24,370 CORK POPS Where's Kate? 369 00:22:24,380 --> 00:22:27,850 Oh, she's gone home. Just tonight, just to sort out a few things. 370 00:22:27,860 --> 00:22:29,530 And the boys? 371 00:22:29,540 --> 00:22:32,810 William's got a job in town, washing up in a restaurant. 372 00:22:32,820 --> 00:22:35,970 Good for him! He won't be back until gone midnight. 373 00:22:35,980 --> 00:22:38,770 And Lawrence is upstairs sulking. 374 00:22:38,780 --> 00:22:40,410 Oh, why? 375 00:22:40,420 --> 00:22:43,010 Cos I've taken him off at the knees, I wiped the floor with him. 376 00:22:43,020 --> 00:22:45,170 What's he done? He's upset Kate. 377 00:22:45,180 --> 00:22:46,570 Why, what's he said? 378 00:22:46,580 --> 00:22:50,210 Apparently - I didn't hear it, I was trying to fathom the gas bill - 379 00:22:50,220 --> 00:22:52,810 he said the reason you hadn't invited any of us to the wedding 380 00:22:52,820 --> 00:22:56,010 wasn't rocket science, it was because you didn't want Kate there. 381 00:22:56,020 --> 00:23:00,530 Cheers! Congratulations! Here's mud in your eye. 382 00:23:00,540 --> 00:23:02,850 Which I said was nonsense. It is nonsense. 383 00:23:02,860 --> 00:23:06,410 It were nowt to do with anyone else, it was just meant to be a bit of... 384 00:23:06,420 --> 00:23:10,010 A bit of fun! I know. As long as we're clear that it is nonsense. 385 00:23:10,020 --> 00:23:13,050 It's nonsense. And you can tell her that from me. 386 00:23:13,060 --> 00:23:16,490 Or you can tell her yourself the next time you see her. Right. 387 00:23:16,500 --> 00:23:18,450 Right. 388 00:23:18,460 --> 00:23:21,530 So, just out of interest, now you're married, 389 00:23:21,540 --> 00:23:23,690 where were you thinking of living? 390 00:23:23,700 --> 00:23:26,530 Ah, well... We've not really... 391 00:23:26,540 --> 00:23:28,530 ..that's one of the things, you see. 392 00:23:28,540 --> 00:23:31,130 We were getting that bogged down in t'practicalities 393 00:23:31,140 --> 00:23:33,250 of this, that and t'other, we ended up thinking, 394 00:23:33,260 --> 00:23:35,850 "Well, we'll never get wed at this rate." 395 00:23:35,860 --> 00:23:39,420 OK, well, I'm just going to run this past you. 396 00:23:40,420 --> 00:23:42,530 John's publisher's given him the shove. 397 00:23:42,540 --> 00:23:44,650 Oh, shit! 398 00:23:44,660 --> 00:23:47,690 So, this is the thing... 399 00:23:47,700 --> 00:23:50,370 He can't afford to buy me out, my half, my share, 400 00:23:50,380 --> 00:23:54,250 which I always imagined he could, but he can't, so, wahey. 401 00:23:54,260 --> 00:23:58,370 Anyway, now I'm contemplating ways in which I can buy him out, 402 00:23:58,380 --> 00:24:02,570 rather than...sell up, which, obviously, is an option. 403 00:24:02,580 --> 00:24:04,250 OK... 404 00:24:04,260 --> 00:24:07,810 I've not had the house valued yet, but based on what I imagine 405 00:24:07,820 --> 00:24:11,530 we'd be looking at, and if you did want to live in the flat together... 406 00:24:11,540 --> 00:24:13,850 We'd have to make a contribution? 407 00:24:13,860 --> 00:24:16,850 It's... That's... 408 00:24:16,860 --> 00:24:18,930 I have already put money into this house. 409 00:24:18,940 --> 00:24:21,690 The bottom line... 410 00:24:21,700 --> 00:24:24,570 unless a number of factors kick in, financially, 411 00:24:24,580 --> 00:24:27,050 is that we would have to sell up. 412 00:24:27,060 --> 00:24:30,290 What sort of figure would you be looking for from me? 413 00:24:30,300 --> 00:24:32,050 From us. 414 00:24:32,060 --> 00:24:34,170 100,000. 415 00:24:34,180 --> 00:24:38,490 One along here sold for 850,000 a few weeks ago, it's ridiculous. 416 00:24:38,500 --> 00:24:40,890 And you could afford the rest yourself? 417 00:24:40,900 --> 00:24:43,490 No, I was going to ask Kate. Ask Kate what? 418 00:24:43,500 --> 00:24:46,730 To sell her house. I haven't said anything to her yet. 419 00:24:46,740 --> 00:24:49,890 I wanted to talk to you first. 420 00:24:49,900 --> 00:24:54,370 Look, don't... Nobody has to make any instant decisions. I just... 421 00:24:54,380 --> 00:24:56,450 It's the boys, you see, as well. 422 00:24:56,460 --> 00:24:58,450 I'd like to be able to give them that stability, 423 00:24:58,460 --> 00:25:01,580 at least until they've finished their education, and... 424 00:25:04,180 --> 00:25:06,530 Oh, God, I'm sorry! 425 00:25:06,540 --> 00:25:11,810 It's your wedding night. I shouldn't be inflicting all that on you now. 426 00:25:11,820 --> 00:25:14,410 We'll talk about it tomorrow. 427 00:25:14,420 --> 00:25:16,250 Take this. 428 00:25:16,260 --> 00:25:18,690 Oh, thank you. 429 00:25:18,700 --> 00:25:21,530 Could you give us a minute? 430 00:25:21,540 --> 00:25:23,970 Eh? Oh, yes. Yes, of course I can. 431 00:25:23,980 --> 00:25:27,050 Thank you, Caroline. It's a pleasure. 432 00:25:27,060 --> 00:25:30,460 I'll see you in t'morning. I'll see you in the morning. 433 00:25:37,260 --> 00:25:39,060 What? 434 00:25:41,300 --> 00:25:44,210 It wasn't about Kate, us getting married like this. 435 00:25:44,220 --> 00:25:46,250 It hadn't occurred to me. 436 00:25:46,260 --> 00:25:48,850 It was because of what the consultant said 437 00:25:48,860 --> 00:25:50,890 that morning Alan left hospital. 438 00:25:50,900 --> 00:25:52,810 What do you mean? 439 00:25:52,820 --> 00:25:55,250 We just wanted to get it done with, 440 00:25:55,260 --> 00:25:57,940 quickly, with as little fuss as possible. 441 00:25:59,020 --> 00:26:01,370 Why? 442 00:26:01,380 --> 00:26:04,610 Look, you're not to say anything. He won't talk about it. 443 00:26:04,620 --> 00:26:06,810 He likes to pretend there's nothing wrong with him, 444 00:26:06,820 --> 00:26:09,170 and we just got married for a bit of fun. 445 00:26:09,180 --> 00:26:10,770 Which we did! 446 00:26:10,780 --> 00:26:13,860 And Gillian doesn't know this. What? 447 00:26:15,100 --> 00:26:17,930 A sensible approach is the key, Mr Buttershaw, 448 00:26:17,940 --> 00:26:22,250 because, not to put too fine a point on it, 449 00:26:22,260 --> 00:26:25,330 you wouldn't survive another heart attack. 450 00:26:25,340 --> 00:26:27,420 Even a relatively small one. 451 00:26:34,100 --> 00:26:36,610 Oh, good Lord. Yeah. 452 00:26:36,620 --> 00:26:39,050 Yeah. 453 00:26:39,060 --> 00:26:41,610 I just wanted you to know. 454 00:26:41,620 --> 00:26:44,500 And you can tell Kate, so she knows. 455 00:26:45,700 --> 00:26:48,260 It really wasn't about anything else. 456 00:26:57,980 --> 00:27:01,130 I need to tell you something. How's she getting home? 457 00:27:01,140 --> 00:27:05,530 Can she stop? Here? Yeah. Tonight? Yeah. No. 458 00:27:05,540 --> 00:27:07,450 You can give Ellie a lift down Ripponden 459 00:27:07,460 --> 00:27:09,010 when you go, can't you, Robbie? 460 00:27:09,020 --> 00:27:13,100 Yeah. I'll be setting off in about half an hour or so. Sorted. 461 00:27:14,580 --> 00:27:16,490 Right. 462 00:27:16,500 --> 00:27:19,330 OK. Well... 463 00:27:19,340 --> 00:27:21,860 the thing is... 464 00:27:23,380 --> 00:27:26,690 She's pregnant. 465 00:27:26,700 --> 00:27:29,290 It's mine. 466 00:27:29,300 --> 00:27:30,890 She's eight months. 467 00:27:30,900 --> 00:27:33,250 She told her mum and dad and they went mad. 468 00:27:33,260 --> 00:27:35,060 They've chucked her out. 469 00:27:49,860 --> 00:27:51,410 Has something happened? 470 00:27:51,420 --> 00:27:53,330 'Not... No, not... Well, yeah, yeah. 471 00:27:53,340 --> 00:27:57,530 'Something's... Raff's got himself into a bit of bother.' 472 00:27:57,540 --> 00:28:00,570 It's nowt to worry about, Dad. 473 00:28:00,580 --> 00:28:03,970 I don't want you getting stressed. 474 00:28:03,980 --> 00:28:10,210 Just...it might benefit him if you're around a bit, that's all. 475 00:28:10,220 --> 00:28:13,610 If... if you... 476 00:28:13,620 --> 00:28:17,810 Right. OK. Well, we can pop over. 477 00:28:17,820 --> 00:28:20,090 Who is it? Gillian. 478 00:28:20,100 --> 00:28:24,100 That'd be... 'Can you give me general, erm...?' 479 00:28:25,260 --> 00:28:28,290 It's... It's... It's... 480 00:28:28,300 --> 00:28:31,770 He's wanting to leave school, 481 00:28:31,780 --> 00:28:34,370 and chuck his life down the drain. 482 00:28:34,380 --> 00:28:36,690 Like I did. And I don't want him to. 483 00:28:36,700 --> 00:28:39,730 Why? Why's he suddenly thinking of doing that? 484 00:28:39,740 --> 00:28:43,210 I thought he was doing very well with his A-levels? 485 00:28:43,220 --> 00:28:45,530 'He is! He is. 486 00:28:45,540 --> 00:28:49,130 'It's...a bit complicated, and there's a girl involved. 487 00:28:49,140 --> 00:28:50,810 'It's...a man thing.' 488 00:28:50,820 --> 00:28:54,890 It's best if you come over, if you can. 489 00:28:54,900 --> 00:28:59,250 I'm going to have to drive over to Halifax. Is Robbie not around? 490 00:28:59,260 --> 00:29:01,570 You can't drive, you're not allowed. Bugger that. 491 00:29:01,580 --> 00:29:03,890 'You're the only person he ever really listens to.' 492 00:29:03,900 --> 00:29:05,660 I'll drive you. 493 00:29:06,660 --> 00:29:10,050 Sell my house? I know it's mad. But you see, I think this is working, 494 00:29:10,060 --> 00:29:11,610 you and me, don't you? 495 00:29:11,620 --> 00:29:14,010 Well... There's Lawrence. 496 00:29:14,020 --> 00:29:16,730 And the ever-constant threat of John dropping by, 497 00:29:16,740 --> 00:29:19,490 pissed, with Judith. I'm dealing with all that. 498 00:29:19,500 --> 00:29:20,770 And your mum. 499 00:29:20,780 --> 00:29:23,810 Although maybe Celia and Alan will want to go and live somewhere else 500 00:29:23,820 --> 00:29:25,530 anyway, now they're married. 501 00:29:25,540 --> 00:29:29,610 Well, no, thing is I'd probably need her input as well, financially. 502 00:29:29,620 --> 00:29:32,010 So she'd be staying? 503 00:29:32,020 --> 00:29:35,530 Well, I... I think she's been on a steep learning curve. Really, I do. 504 00:29:35,540 --> 00:29:38,610 They'd probably spend most of their time over at Gillian's anyway. 505 00:29:38,620 --> 00:29:44,410 I don't know. Fine. I'm not saying no. I shouldn't have asked. 506 00:29:44,420 --> 00:29:45,540 CHILDREN SING HYMN 507 00:29:47,060 --> 00:29:50,410 OK, good, it's fine, forget it, let's not dwell on... 508 00:29:50,420 --> 00:29:52,890 No. Actually... If it was just about you and me, 509 00:29:52,900 --> 00:29:56,690 I'd be worried that it was far too quick and that you'd regret it. 510 00:29:56,700 --> 00:29:59,170 Kate, I wouldn't have asked you if I thought I'd regret it. 511 00:29:59,180 --> 00:30:01,500 I like that house a lot, but I'm not blinkered. It's... 512 00:30:02,940 --> 00:30:05,060 I want to spend the rest of my life with you. 513 00:30:07,340 --> 00:30:10,250 I hope I'm not shallow enough to be asking you for the wrong reasons. 514 00:30:10,260 --> 00:30:13,090 It's just a bit sooner than we might have anticipated. That's all. 515 00:30:13,100 --> 00:30:14,620 Really? Really. 516 00:30:15,820 --> 00:30:18,610 Look. Say no. If you really think it's wrong, say no. 517 00:30:18,620 --> 00:30:19,730 But think about it. 518 00:30:19,740 --> 00:30:22,340 It's not something we have to decide this second. 519 00:30:24,540 --> 00:30:25,700 I can't kiss you here. 520 00:30:26,980 --> 00:30:29,420 No. No. You really can't. Nope. 521 00:30:31,100 --> 00:30:33,220 We'd need to know the exact figures. Mm-hm. 522 00:30:34,460 --> 00:30:37,890 I've got someone coming to give me a valuation later this afternoon. 523 00:30:37,900 --> 00:30:39,380 I'll get mine valued. 524 00:30:41,340 --> 00:30:43,010 So is that...? 525 00:30:43,020 --> 00:30:45,820 There's just one other thing to say. 526 00:30:47,100 --> 00:30:48,370 Which I would've brought up 527 00:30:48,380 --> 00:30:50,570 further down the line had things progressed... 528 00:30:50,580 --> 00:30:53,610 but seeing as we're possibly moving forward slightly faster than... 529 00:30:53,620 --> 00:30:54,740 What? 530 00:30:56,380 --> 00:30:59,780 You know I'm 42 next week? Yes. I did know that. OK. 531 00:31:03,900 --> 00:31:05,660 This is equally... OK. 532 00:31:08,660 --> 00:31:09,700 I want a baby. 533 00:31:11,300 --> 00:31:12,460 I want to have a baby. 534 00:31:14,700 --> 00:31:16,220 I've always wanted a baby. 535 00:31:17,300 --> 00:31:20,570 And if we are going to do this properly, permanently, 536 00:31:20,580 --> 00:31:22,810 you need to know that. 537 00:31:22,820 --> 00:31:24,570 And it's good that it's cropped up now 538 00:31:24,580 --> 00:31:26,300 because time is not on my side. 539 00:31:28,220 --> 00:31:30,740 No. Caroline. 540 00:31:33,900 --> 00:31:35,220 I'm serious. 541 00:31:41,220 --> 00:31:42,260 You better go. 542 00:32:18,740 --> 00:32:21,660 So, what's up? 543 00:32:23,780 --> 00:32:25,170 Celia. 544 00:32:25,180 --> 00:32:26,220 Gillian. 545 00:32:29,340 --> 00:32:33,130 You know I told you Raff's got a girlfriend? 546 00:32:33,140 --> 00:32:36,130 Is this the one that blows hot and cold? That's right. 547 00:32:36,140 --> 00:32:37,410 Ellie. 548 00:32:37,420 --> 00:32:38,850 The one who only bothers with him - 549 00:32:38,860 --> 00:32:40,850 if she hasn't got a better offer on the table. 550 00:32:40,860 --> 00:32:43,090 Well, what about her? She's here. 551 00:32:43,100 --> 00:32:44,650 She's inside. 552 00:32:44,660 --> 00:32:46,130 She's pregnant. 553 00:32:46,140 --> 00:32:47,330 Eight months. 554 00:32:47,340 --> 00:32:49,010 They both reckon it's his. 555 00:32:49,020 --> 00:32:51,370 Her mum and dad gave her an ultimatum, 556 00:32:51,380 --> 00:32:53,250 which allegedly she didn't like. 557 00:32:53,260 --> 00:32:55,380 It involved not seeing our Raff any more. 558 00:32:57,700 --> 00:32:58,820 So... 559 00:33:00,340 --> 00:33:04,050 Did she not... think to get shut of it? 560 00:33:04,060 --> 00:33:06,540 She didn't know she was pregnant. She says. 561 00:33:07,580 --> 00:33:11,370 She managed to convince herself it was any number of other things. 562 00:33:11,380 --> 00:33:15,100 And you can't tell till you know to look. She's hardly showing. 563 00:33:16,500 --> 00:33:19,610 So it's too late to...? 564 00:33:19,620 --> 00:33:21,290 Five months too late. 565 00:33:21,300 --> 00:33:23,380 I've made her an appointment at the surgery. 566 00:33:25,060 --> 00:33:27,090 I'm driving her down in half an hour. 567 00:33:27,100 --> 00:33:30,100 And...is it definitely his? 568 00:33:31,660 --> 00:33:35,020 He is convinced that it's his. 569 00:33:36,940 --> 00:33:38,650 But you're not to get upset. 570 00:33:38,660 --> 00:33:41,810 Whatever's happened, we'll sort it. 571 00:33:41,820 --> 00:33:43,890 What's the plan? 572 00:33:43,900 --> 00:33:45,450 The plan. 573 00:33:45,460 --> 00:33:47,050 Well... 574 00:33:47,060 --> 00:33:49,050 He's not leaving school. I've told him. 575 00:33:49,060 --> 00:33:52,690 He's a bright lad, he's going places. 576 00:33:52,700 --> 00:33:54,980 I'll do what I can for 'em, but... 577 00:33:56,620 --> 00:33:59,970 I've told them in words of one syllable, I am not a nanny. 578 00:33:59,980 --> 00:34:01,500 That's two syllables. 579 00:34:02,940 --> 00:34:04,890 I'm not made of money. 580 00:34:04,900 --> 00:34:06,860 What about her parents? 581 00:34:08,180 --> 00:34:10,650 They obviously think our Raff's not good enough for her. 582 00:34:10,660 --> 00:34:11,730 Which is interesting, 583 00:34:11,740 --> 00:34:13,970 cos frankly I'd have said it was the other way round. 584 00:34:13,980 --> 00:34:16,450 Did he not take precautions? 585 00:34:16,460 --> 00:34:18,580 These are the wrong questions, Dad! 586 00:34:20,420 --> 00:34:21,580 The time has passed. 587 00:34:23,820 --> 00:34:25,010 She's inside. 588 00:34:25,020 --> 00:34:26,300 Raff's gone to school. 589 00:34:27,620 --> 00:34:30,020 D'you want to come and say hello? 590 00:34:37,900 --> 00:34:41,210 Ellie. This is Raff's grandad. 591 00:34:41,220 --> 00:34:44,130 Hello, love. Alan. 592 00:34:44,140 --> 00:34:45,650 And this is Celia. 593 00:34:45,660 --> 00:34:47,290 My wife. Celia. 594 00:34:47,300 --> 00:34:49,010 I've just had a bath. 595 00:34:49,020 --> 00:34:50,810 Congratulations. 596 00:34:50,820 --> 00:34:52,770 I think it was a bit hot. 597 00:34:52,780 --> 00:34:56,490 I think I'm having like... contractions. 598 00:34:56,500 --> 00:34:58,450 Oh, heck! 599 00:34:58,460 --> 00:35:01,010 We'll get her up to the hospital. 600 00:35:01,020 --> 00:35:02,860 You go pick Raff up from school. 601 00:35:14,380 --> 00:35:16,770 It's a mess, that's what this is. 602 00:35:16,780 --> 00:35:19,330 A right total fff...sodding mess. 603 00:35:19,340 --> 00:35:22,050 Yeah, I know, I know, all right. I know! 604 00:35:22,060 --> 00:35:24,530 And how do we know it's yours? Really, eh? 605 00:35:24,540 --> 00:35:27,010 We've been through this. I told you, I know the night. 606 00:35:27,020 --> 00:35:29,370 No, come on, maths - if she's only eight months, 607 00:35:29,380 --> 00:35:31,650 why's she gone into labour now? It's early! 608 00:35:31,660 --> 00:35:33,650 You so want to believe it, don't you? 609 00:35:33,660 --> 00:35:35,930 She probably isn't even eight months, size of her! 610 00:35:35,940 --> 00:35:38,770 She's never slept with anyone else. She says. Yes. She says. 611 00:35:38,780 --> 00:35:40,450 Happen you better ring her mum and dad. 612 00:35:40,460 --> 00:35:41,890 I'm not ringing her mum and dad. 613 00:35:41,900 --> 00:35:44,050 Oh, well, that's grown up. They hate me. 614 00:35:44,060 --> 00:35:47,170 Well, they need to know, they need to share some of the responsibility, 615 00:35:47,180 --> 00:35:49,450 she's their daughter, that'll be their grandchild. 616 00:35:49,460 --> 00:35:51,330 Unequivocally, theirs. 617 00:35:51,340 --> 00:35:54,250 Whereas I don't have the luxury of such certain knowledge. 618 00:35:54,260 --> 00:35:56,570 She wouldn't lie! Why would she lie? 619 00:35:56,580 --> 00:35:59,570 Because she knows she can rely on you, you pillock! 620 00:35:59,580 --> 00:36:02,170 Cos you're so bloody smitten with her! 621 00:36:02,180 --> 00:36:04,610 So I'm reliable! And that's bad... why? 622 00:36:04,620 --> 00:36:08,530 Because you've got your whole life ahead of you! You've got choices! 623 00:36:08,540 --> 00:36:11,170 What choices will you have if you're saddled with a baby at 17? 624 00:36:11,180 --> 00:36:14,290 And it's not even yours! For sure. 625 00:36:14,300 --> 00:36:18,050 She dumped you for this other lad, who else has she been... 626 00:36:18,060 --> 00:36:19,860 wriggling around with, eh? 627 00:36:21,220 --> 00:36:22,970 No-one. 628 00:36:22,980 --> 00:36:25,490 God, you're naive. 629 00:36:25,500 --> 00:36:28,170 Yeah, and you're a dirty-minded old cow. 630 00:36:28,180 --> 00:36:29,370 I beg your pardon? 631 00:36:29,380 --> 00:36:30,660 Didn't say owt. 632 00:36:41,780 --> 00:36:44,970 You haven't to stress your grandad. I'm not stressing me grandad! 633 00:36:44,980 --> 00:36:48,330 If anyone'll be stressing me grandad with shouting, it's you! 634 00:36:48,340 --> 00:36:50,010 WOMAN: You're doing what? 635 00:36:50,020 --> 00:36:52,010 Delivering babies. 636 00:36:52,020 --> 00:36:53,650 Well, a baby. 637 00:36:53,660 --> 00:36:58,690 Unless it's twins, which I'd be very surprised, size of her. 638 00:36:58,700 --> 00:37:02,090 Well... Why're you...? What're you...? Whose is it? 639 00:37:02,100 --> 00:37:05,490 That's the 64 million question. 640 00:37:05,500 --> 00:37:08,050 Shall we start at the beginning? 641 00:37:08,060 --> 00:37:12,570 Well, surprise, surprise, it turns out Raff's a bit of a... 642 00:37:12,580 --> 00:37:16,250 muck lump just like his mother. And... You know what? 643 00:37:16,260 --> 00:37:20,010 She insisted on Alan racing over here. 644 00:37:20,020 --> 00:37:22,610 She'll be wanting to tap money off him. 645 00:37:22,620 --> 00:37:26,250 They're already hard up, and now with a baby on the way. 646 00:37:26,260 --> 00:37:27,690 Sorry, so...? 647 00:37:27,700 --> 00:37:31,410 Raff's put his girlfriend in the pudding club. 648 00:37:31,420 --> 00:37:34,770 And she's not dared tell anyone until it's too late, 649 00:37:34,780 --> 00:37:36,570 and she's just gone into labour. 650 00:37:36,580 --> 00:37:40,170 Just now, just this morning, that's why we're here. 651 00:37:40,180 --> 00:37:42,930 But you needn't worry, love. On the money front. 652 00:37:42,940 --> 00:37:44,500 I'll not be taken in. 653 00:37:46,980 --> 00:37:48,610 Did you talk to Kate? 654 00:37:48,620 --> 00:37:49,770 Oh, yeah. 655 00:37:49,780 --> 00:37:51,650 Yeah. Yeah. 656 00:37:51,660 --> 00:37:54,170 And...? Is she on board? 657 00:37:54,180 --> 00:37:58,220 In... Yeah, theory. You don't sound convinced. 658 00:38:00,660 --> 00:38:04,410 No, she's... Obviously it's a big thing to ask. 659 00:38:04,420 --> 00:38:07,570 Don't take this the wrong way... What? 660 00:38:07,580 --> 00:38:09,260 Isn't it a bit soon? 661 00:38:10,380 --> 00:38:13,130 To be asking her to buy a house with you? 662 00:38:13,140 --> 00:38:17,610 I know you're very fond of her, and I'm not saying anything about that. 663 00:38:17,620 --> 00:38:19,540 But you've only been together five minutes. 664 00:38:21,020 --> 00:38:22,420 I can't sell that house. 665 00:38:26,660 --> 00:38:30,250 Oh, I'll have to go, love. I'll talk to you later, bye. 666 00:38:30,260 --> 00:38:31,850 Where is she? 667 00:38:31,860 --> 00:38:33,340 They're through here. 668 00:38:43,900 --> 00:38:45,540 He'll be here any minute. 669 00:38:46,660 --> 00:38:48,610 Sorry, what was your name again? 670 00:38:48,620 --> 00:38:51,850 Alan! I'm Grandad. Apparently. 671 00:38:51,860 --> 00:38:54,180 Deep! Really inhale it. 672 00:38:55,780 --> 00:38:57,530 Great-grandad. 673 00:38:57,540 --> 00:38:58,730 Sorry? 674 00:38:58,740 --> 00:39:01,650 Great-grandad. Won't you be its great-grandad? 675 00:39:01,660 --> 00:39:03,140 Oh, aye. 676 00:39:05,380 --> 00:39:06,820 It's one of these. 677 00:39:08,300 --> 00:39:11,730 Are you looking for someone? Ellie. Ellie Weaver. 678 00:39:11,740 --> 00:39:13,100 Just down here. 679 00:39:15,340 --> 00:39:16,460 I don't want a baby. 680 00:39:17,700 --> 00:39:19,300 I'm too young to have a baby. 681 00:39:20,540 --> 00:39:22,370 I don't even know what you do with babies. 682 00:39:22,380 --> 00:39:24,130 You'll work it out soon enough. 683 00:39:24,140 --> 00:39:25,890 What if I don't like it? 684 00:39:25,900 --> 00:39:28,890 What if it's got something wrong with it? 685 00:39:28,900 --> 00:39:30,970 What if it's got more than one head? 686 00:39:30,980 --> 00:39:33,810 Well, there's no sending 'em back. It won't have. 687 00:39:33,820 --> 00:39:38,130 Why haven't we evolved better? This is medieval. 688 00:39:38,140 --> 00:39:41,290 I'm going to be split in two, I'm going to die. No you're not. 689 00:39:41,300 --> 00:39:44,530 I'm not ready for this, I'm not even here. 690 00:39:44,540 --> 00:39:46,860 You're going to be absolutely fine. 691 00:39:48,020 --> 00:39:50,020 Did you two get married yesterday? 692 00:39:51,300 --> 00:39:52,930 We did, yes. 693 00:39:52,940 --> 00:39:54,570 And not tell anyone? 694 00:39:54,580 --> 00:39:56,130 That's right. 695 00:39:56,140 --> 00:39:57,180 Why? 696 00:39:58,260 --> 00:40:02,210 Just...to be different, really. Romantic. 697 00:40:02,220 --> 00:40:03,500 And was it? 698 00:40:04,540 --> 00:40:05,820 Well... 699 00:40:09,100 --> 00:40:10,860 MAN: Everybody happy. 700 00:40:12,780 --> 00:40:14,180 Say cheese! 701 00:40:17,820 --> 00:40:19,100 ..it was memorable. 702 00:40:21,340 --> 00:40:22,770 Now who've we got? 703 00:40:22,780 --> 00:40:26,010 Ah, this is my grandson. This is so weird. 704 00:40:26,020 --> 00:40:27,570 And you're the father? 705 00:40:27,580 --> 00:40:29,490 Yeah. You all right? 706 00:40:29,500 --> 00:40:30,810 And I'm his mother. 707 00:40:30,820 --> 00:40:33,890 I'm not really comfortable with the fact that this is happening. 708 00:40:33,900 --> 00:40:37,050 In fact, I'm inclined to suggest that it isn't. 709 00:40:37,060 --> 00:40:41,450 I am firmly of the opinion that I'm not really here. 710 00:40:41,460 --> 00:40:43,490 She's been at the Entonox. 711 00:40:43,500 --> 00:40:48,210 Right, so, she's between three and four centimetres dilated. 712 00:40:48,220 --> 00:40:52,290 It's going to be good few hours before the fun really starts, so... 713 00:40:52,300 --> 00:40:56,060 I'm not actually her mother. Her mother isn't actually here. 714 00:40:57,100 --> 00:40:58,380 Ellie? 715 00:41:00,220 --> 00:41:04,130 Have you rung your mum? 716 00:41:04,140 --> 00:41:05,580 No. 717 00:41:06,780 --> 00:41:08,810 D'you think you should? 718 00:41:08,820 --> 00:41:10,860 Because if you don't, I will. 719 00:41:23,660 --> 00:41:26,900 The night Caroline was born, I lost three pints of blood. 720 00:41:28,020 --> 00:41:30,380 I nearly died. Did you? Mm-hm. 721 00:41:31,900 --> 00:41:34,620 I could feel myself going down this tunnel. 722 00:41:36,100 --> 00:41:37,860 Odd thing was, I didn't mind. 723 00:41:39,100 --> 00:41:40,730 I just thought... 724 00:41:40,740 --> 00:41:43,180 "So this is it, this is what it's like." 725 00:41:45,780 --> 00:41:48,290 And I nearly got to the end. 726 00:41:48,300 --> 00:41:50,500 And then it got slower, and slower. 727 00:41:51,900 --> 00:41:55,850 I realised I was going backwards. Back the way I'd come. 728 00:41:55,860 --> 00:41:59,420 And that must've been when they gave me the blood transfusion. 729 00:42:02,660 --> 00:42:04,540 D'you think it is his? Raff's? 730 00:42:06,540 --> 00:42:10,020 They were at a party. I asked him. They'd been drinking. 731 00:42:11,220 --> 00:42:13,620 Malibu or something. And.... 732 00:42:15,860 --> 00:42:18,820 I think they're genuinely very fond of each other. 733 00:42:20,940 --> 00:42:24,890 They're the same age we were that day when you asked me out at 734 00:42:24,900 --> 00:42:27,570 the top of Elizabeth Street in 1953. 735 00:42:27,580 --> 00:42:29,130 D'you remember? 736 00:42:29,140 --> 00:42:32,890 I'd just started at Jessops. I had a new suit. 737 00:42:32,900 --> 00:42:34,700 You'd just started at Co-op. 738 00:42:35,820 --> 00:42:37,970 God. 739 00:42:37,980 --> 00:42:41,290 We'd have never carried on like that at that age, would we? 740 00:42:41,300 --> 00:42:43,060 No. But they do now. So... 741 00:42:44,260 --> 00:42:46,930 People had more self-respect. 742 00:42:46,940 --> 00:42:52,650 Well, we hadn't had the benefit of the swinging '60s in 1953, had we? 743 00:42:52,660 --> 00:42:55,100 You're not going to make out like it's a good thing. 744 00:42:58,780 --> 00:43:00,220 I'm very good with babies. 745 00:43:01,860 --> 00:43:03,530 I'm sure you are. 746 00:43:03,540 --> 00:43:06,770 They tend to like me. I don't know why. 747 00:43:06,780 --> 00:43:09,610 They can probably sense you're as daft as they are. 748 00:43:09,620 --> 00:43:10,980 Yes. That'll be it. 749 00:43:14,300 --> 00:43:17,500 I never thought I'd live to be a great-grandad. 750 00:43:18,900 --> 00:43:20,060 Well... 751 00:43:21,220 --> 00:43:25,010 We're not entirely sure that you are one yet. Are we? 752 00:43:25,020 --> 00:43:26,650 I'd have to help 'em out. 753 00:43:26,660 --> 00:43:28,170 In the money department. 754 00:43:28,180 --> 00:43:31,290 If that's what's needed. You know that, don't you? 755 00:43:31,300 --> 00:43:33,850 I'm not having that lad leaving school, 756 00:43:33,860 --> 00:43:37,260 he could get in at a university, the way he's heading. 757 00:43:38,820 --> 00:43:41,170 Well, OK. 758 00:43:41,180 --> 00:43:46,250 Just as long as you know that I can't see Caroline short either. 759 00:43:46,260 --> 00:43:47,780 Over this house business. 760 00:43:49,660 --> 00:43:51,210 How's it going? 761 00:43:51,220 --> 00:43:53,130 Slowly. 762 00:43:53,140 --> 00:43:54,450 Poor kid, she's terrified. 763 00:43:54,460 --> 00:43:55,970 I can't get hold of her mum and dad. 764 00:43:55,980 --> 00:43:58,690 I've left messages to ring me on both their mobiles, 765 00:43:58,700 --> 00:44:01,130 and their landline, and nothing. 766 00:44:01,140 --> 00:44:02,500 What's up with 'em? 767 00:44:04,580 --> 00:44:06,850 They're probably in shock, aren't they? 768 00:44:06,860 --> 00:44:08,370 Same as everybody else. 769 00:44:08,380 --> 00:44:12,490 Still, you'd not think they'd turn their back on her, would you? 770 00:44:12,500 --> 00:44:14,890 Perhaps they're Christians. 771 00:44:14,900 --> 00:44:16,850 Listen, I've got stuff to see to at home, 772 00:44:16,860 --> 00:44:19,970 I haven't fed stock in lower field, it won't take me long. 773 00:44:19,980 --> 00:44:22,290 Can you hang about here? Just for a couple of hours? 774 00:44:22,300 --> 00:44:23,970 Just until I get back? 775 00:44:23,980 --> 00:44:26,450 Just in case Raff needs a bit of support. 776 00:44:26,460 --> 00:44:27,500 Can we? 777 00:44:28,860 --> 00:44:32,220 I don't think he believes it's happening either. Course we can. 778 00:44:40,340 --> 00:44:42,810 I let myself in. What's all this? 779 00:44:42,820 --> 00:44:45,770 I've collected some of my stuff from the house. 780 00:44:45,780 --> 00:44:48,940 I'm going to look at getting a flat near the university. 781 00:44:51,140 --> 00:44:54,610 What happened to digging your heels in and pissing her off? 782 00:44:54,620 --> 00:44:56,810 They've dropped me, Kershaw and Whittle. 783 00:44:56,820 --> 00:44:59,170 Francis Hilliard sent me an e-mail last week. 784 00:44:59,180 --> 00:45:00,540 They've...? 785 00:45:01,900 --> 00:45:04,970 I don't know why I'm that surprised. 786 00:45:04,980 --> 00:45:07,010 It's been obvious for ages that you've lost it. 787 00:45:07,020 --> 00:45:08,930 What're you talking about? 788 00:45:08,940 --> 00:45:11,210 I don't even know if you ever really had it. 789 00:45:11,220 --> 00:45:13,050 "Had it." What? 790 00:45:13,060 --> 00:45:15,170 That fire. That real passion. 791 00:45:15,180 --> 00:45:17,690 I think you were just lucky for a while. 792 00:45:17,700 --> 00:45:20,330 You have no idea. You know... 793 00:45:20,340 --> 00:45:23,850 the trouble with you is that you've never really lived life on the edge. 794 00:45:23,860 --> 00:45:26,450 Have you? You've never really taken a risk with anything. 795 00:45:26,460 --> 00:45:30,170 You've never really dared to do anything properly dangerous. 796 00:45:30,180 --> 00:45:31,250 You just... 797 00:45:31,260 --> 00:45:35,650 You just fiddle-faddle around near the boundaries a bit, don't you? 798 00:45:35,660 --> 00:45:39,380 Pretending. But you never actually push them like a real writer. 799 00:45:40,780 --> 00:45:42,410 You're terrified. 800 00:45:42,420 --> 00:45:44,690 Given the choice, if she'd have you back, 801 00:45:44,700 --> 00:45:47,250 you'd go crawling back to Caroline, wouldn't you? 802 00:45:47,260 --> 00:45:50,050 With your tail between your knees. 803 00:45:50,060 --> 00:45:53,260 What do you want, John? What do you really, really want? 804 00:45:54,460 --> 00:45:55,970 You don't have to answer that, 805 00:45:55,980 --> 00:45:58,050 I'm not really interested. 806 00:45:58,060 --> 00:45:59,410 But whatever it is, 807 00:45:59,420 --> 00:46:03,050 can you piss off out of my flat and chase after it 808 00:46:03,060 --> 00:46:05,130 for once in your life? 809 00:46:05,140 --> 00:46:07,660 Instead of just clinging on to what's familiar. 810 00:46:19,140 --> 00:46:21,140 Do they snog? I don't know. 811 00:46:22,700 --> 00:46:23,740 Do they do sex? 812 00:46:25,700 --> 00:46:26,860 I don't know. 813 00:46:28,180 --> 00:46:29,930 Why don't you go and live with your dad 814 00:46:29,940 --> 00:46:32,770 if Miss McKenzie's going to start telling the boss fibs about you? 815 00:46:32,780 --> 00:46:34,940 I might do. 816 00:46:41,860 --> 00:46:44,690 Like I say, if you think it's a non-starter, then I... 817 00:46:44,700 --> 00:46:47,330 I mean, I do know it's a minefield. 818 00:46:47,340 --> 00:46:50,010 I do know that you might not want to go through all that again. 819 00:46:50,020 --> 00:46:53,410 And certainly not with a child that isn't... But it would be yours, 820 00:46:53,420 --> 00:46:55,770 is the point, ours. 821 00:46:55,780 --> 00:46:58,530 How? I mean, how would...? 822 00:46:58,540 --> 00:47:03,370 Oh, well, obviously a donor. Who? 823 00:47:03,380 --> 00:47:07,850 OK, so, there's this person I was at university with. 824 00:47:07,860 --> 00:47:13,130 And ever since I've not been married to Richard any more, I've often... 825 00:47:13,140 --> 00:47:17,050 occasionally thought that if I ever did manage to have a baby, 826 00:47:17,060 --> 00:47:20,170 he's someone I would ask, possibly. 827 00:47:20,180 --> 00:47:21,690 Who is he? 828 00:47:21,700 --> 00:47:23,210 He's called Greg. 829 00:47:23,220 --> 00:47:26,780 And I went out with him for a bit when we were at Durham. 830 00:47:30,140 --> 00:47:32,210 We slept together, is the point, 831 00:47:32,220 --> 00:47:37,450 so he's nice, he's clever, he's good, he's a really good person. 832 00:47:37,460 --> 00:47:39,810 He's... That's why I thought of him. 833 00:47:39,820 --> 00:47:42,610 He's like you. He's one of the grown-ups. 834 00:47:42,620 --> 00:47:44,210 Why didn't you marry him? 835 00:47:44,220 --> 00:47:45,420 Will you meet him? 836 00:47:46,860 --> 00:47:48,450 I'm not part of the equation. 837 00:47:48,460 --> 00:47:50,690 No! No. God, Caroline. 838 00:47:50,700 --> 00:47:53,050 The only people who are part of the equation 839 00:47:53,060 --> 00:47:54,940 are you and me and the baby. 840 00:47:56,100 --> 00:47:57,570 So... 841 00:47:57,580 --> 00:48:00,370 OK, so, have you... 842 00:48:00,380 --> 00:48:02,450 done any research as regards...? 843 00:48:02,460 --> 00:48:04,890 We could go down the medical route. Which is...? 844 00:48:04,900 --> 00:48:07,890 Complicated. Lengthy. And the thing is... 845 00:48:07,900 --> 00:48:12,570 because I have slept with him before, 300 years ago, 846 00:48:12,580 --> 00:48:14,300 we could just do it. 847 00:48:18,420 --> 00:48:21,130 I mean, he might not agree to any of this. 848 00:48:21,140 --> 00:48:24,010 I think he probably would. 849 00:48:24,020 --> 00:48:26,890 He's not married, he has been, 850 00:48:26,900 --> 00:48:29,450 and apparently that is the best way of getting pregnant 851 00:48:29,460 --> 00:48:31,300 rather than any sort of artificial... 852 00:48:32,620 --> 00:48:35,170 Has he got children from his marriage? No. 853 00:48:35,180 --> 00:48:37,410 Is he firing blanks? Oh. 854 00:48:37,420 --> 00:48:38,610 Does he want children? 855 00:48:38,620 --> 00:48:41,690 I don't... It's not really about whether he wants children, is it? 856 00:48:41,700 --> 00:48:43,650 It's more about whether he's willing. 857 00:48:43,660 --> 00:48:46,250 Why did his marriage break down? I don't know the ins and outs. 858 00:48:46,260 --> 00:48:48,290 He's obviously someone you keep in touch with. 859 00:48:48,300 --> 00:48:50,850 Yeah. Christmas cards. When we still did Christmas cards. 860 00:48:50,860 --> 00:48:52,850 Now it's just the odd e-mail. When? 861 00:48:52,860 --> 00:48:55,210 When his marriage broke down. When mine did. 862 00:48:55,220 --> 00:48:56,340 He knows about you. 863 00:48:59,660 --> 00:49:01,730 I need to meet him. You will! 864 00:49:01,740 --> 00:49:03,140 And this is all... 865 00:49:04,620 --> 00:49:06,900 I've not discussed it with him. He might just say no. 866 00:49:08,180 --> 00:49:09,570 Maybe I shouldn't meet him. 867 00:49:09,580 --> 00:49:13,170 It so isn't about him. No. It is. 868 00:49:13,180 --> 00:49:16,700 I don't want you getting sperm from just anywhere. No, course. 869 00:49:18,900 --> 00:49:21,260 Do we know anyone else? No. 870 00:49:24,660 --> 00:49:26,210 Why didn't you and Richard? 871 00:49:26,220 --> 00:49:27,930 We did. Four times. 872 00:49:27,940 --> 00:49:29,060 I lost them all. 873 00:49:31,380 --> 00:49:32,500 I didn't know that. 874 00:49:33,580 --> 00:49:35,220 I never got beyond 12 weeks. 875 00:49:36,620 --> 00:49:37,980 Oh, God. 876 00:49:39,460 --> 00:49:40,660 Oh, I'm sorry. 877 00:49:42,700 --> 00:49:45,610 Caroline, if you think it's a daft idea, just say... 878 00:49:45,620 --> 00:49:47,650 I don't think it's a daft idea. 879 00:49:47,660 --> 00:49:49,970 You've obviously... 880 00:49:49,980 --> 00:49:53,500 thought about it a lot and it obviously means a lot. 881 00:49:55,300 --> 00:49:58,570 I mean, it's fundamental, babies, isn't it? 882 00:49:58,580 --> 00:50:01,170 Who am I to say no, it's your life, it's your body. 883 00:50:01,180 --> 00:50:03,450 no, I know. It is, but... 884 00:50:03,460 --> 00:50:05,380 I wouldn't want to do it on my own. No. 885 00:50:07,980 --> 00:50:11,450 We would be talking sleepless nights and nappies. 886 00:50:11,460 --> 00:50:14,050 And years of angst and teenage tantrums. 887 00:50:14,060 --> 00:50:15,170 Oh, I can do all of that. 888 00:50:15,180 --> 00:50:18,740 You're 46. It's not really what you'd planned to do next, is it, babies? 889 00:50:20,660 --> 00:50:21,780 No. 890 00:50:26,580 --> 00:50:28,170 I wonder how my mother's getting on? 891 00:50:28,180 --> 00:50:30,890 She was delivering a baby last time I spoke to her. 892 00:50:30,900 --> 00:50:33,530 Your mother was delivering a baby. 893 00:50:33,540 --> 00:50:35,460 Well, she said she was. 894 00:50:36,460 --> 00:50:37,970 Whose? 895 00:50:37,980 --> 00:50:41,570 Is there anything that woman doesn't get up to? 896 00:50:41,580 --> 00:50:43,530 Somebody else'll be doing all the hard work. 897 00:50:43,540 --> 00:50:46,330 She'll just be standing near the door making droll comments. 898 00:50:46,340 --> 00:50:48,250 I think we're ready to start pushing, Ellie! 899 00:50:48,260 --> 00:50:49,370 PHONE BEEPS 900 00:50:49,380 --> 00:50:51,450 Can you turn that off, please? I'm sorry. 901 00:50:51,460 --> 00:50:53,530 Can you feel the contraction coming? Yeah! 902 00:50:53,540 --> 00:50:54,900 Right, well, I want you to push. 903 00:50:57,300 --> 00:51:00,290 I'm sorry, I'm going to have to sit down. 904 00:51:00,300 --> 00:51:03,250 Perhaps you could take Raff out into the corridor for a few minutes. 905 00:51:03,260 --> 00:51:04,690 Come on, lad. 906 00:51:04,700 --> 00:51:08,010 What about me? Grandad's still here. 907 00:51:08,020 --> 00:51:11,970 It's all right, love! You're doing very well. 908 00:51:11,980 --> 00:51:14,340 Put your head between your knees. 909 00:51:15,620 --> 00:51:19,340 I should be able to do this, I can deliver lambs, no problem. 910 00:51:23,180 --> 00:51:26,500 SHE SCREAMS 911 00:51:30,380 --> 00:51:32,180 Would you like a mint imperial? 912 00:51:34,220 --> 00:51:36,810 I want a thing! I want an injection! 913 00:51:36,820 --> 00:51:38,850 I want painkillers! I want everything! 914 00:51:38,860 --> 00:51:41,010 I think it'd be better if you can do it without. 915 00:51:41,020 --> 00:51:42,810 Keep pushing, love. Keep pushing! 916 00:51:42,820 --> 00:51:44,970 Yeah, you just keep squeezing Grandad's hand. 917 00:51:44,980 --> 00:51:46,490 He's not me grandad! 918 00:51:46,500 --> 00:51:49,690 No, I know I'm not, but I don't mind, we can pretend. 919 00:51:49,700 --> 00:51:51,450 I want my grandad. 920 00:51:51,460 --> 00:51:54,410 Well, I can ring him if you think he'll answer his phone. 921 00:51:54,420 --> 00:51:56,170 Look in my phone book. 922 00:51:56,180 --> 00:51:59,770 You'll have to go out into the corridor to make that call. 923 00:51:59,780 --> 00:52:01,090 What's it under? 924 00:52:01,100 --> 00:52:03,490 Grandad! What do you think? 925 00:52:03,500 --> 00:52:04,850 Good, it makes sense. 926 00:52:04,860 --> 00:52:06,730 And what's his name? 927 00:52:06,740 --> 00:52:08,850 Harry. Harry Wallace. 928 00:52:08,860 --> 00:52:12,090 Harry Wallace is your grandad?! 929 00:52:12,100 --> 00:52:13,610 What's up with that? 930 00:52:13,620 --> 00:52:15,250 Nothing. We're... 931 00:52:15,260 --> 00:52:17,660 Hurry up! Get him rung! 932 00:52:33,860 --> 00:52:35,010 Hello? 933 00:52:35,020 --> 00:52:36,410 Gillian. 934 00:52:36,420 --> 00:52:38,050 Speaking. 935 00:52:38,060 --> 00:52:39,420 How's things? Why? 936 00:52:40,620 --> 00:52:42,850 Just wanted to run something past you. 937 00:52:42,860 --> 00:52:44,260 Quickly. 938 00:52:46,140 --> 00:52:49,330 OK. Well. I know you said you're seeing Robbie. 939 00:52:49,340 --> 00:52:51,210 But frankly...I think you and me 940 00:52:51,220 --> 00:52:53,610 both know that's just a disaster waiting to happen. 941 00:52:53,620 --> 00:52:54,980 Really? Really. 942 00:52:56,220 --> 00:52:59,330 You also indicated that you were in need of some sort of investment... 943 00:52:59,340 --> 00:53:00,690 in the farm. 944 00:53:00,700 --> 00:53:03,810 Your publisher's just dumped you, I'm not thick. 945 00:53:03,820 --> 00:53:06,970 Caroline wants to buy my half of the house. 946 00:53:06,980 --> 00:53:08,970 I think we'll be looking at... 947 00:53:08,980 --> 00:53:11,700 400, 450,000. Cash. 948 00:53:14,060 --> 00:53:16,090 You think you can just buy me? 949 00:53:16,100 --> 00:53:17,580 No. I just thought... 950 00:53:20,940 --> 00:53:22,660 Are you doing anything this weekend? 951 00:53:25,420 --> 00:53:27,010 What did y'have in mind? 952 00:53:27,020 --> 00:53:28,860 Anything. All sorts. 953 00:53:30,900 --> 00:53:32,500 Can we have this conversation later? 954 00:54:02,140 --> 00:54:05,330 What are you doing here? It's a girl. Six pound, three ounces. 955 00:54:05,340 --> 00:54:06,370 Did you know? 956 00:54:06,380 --> 00:54:09,610 Ellie's my grandaughter. This is her mum, my daughter, Yvonne. 957 00:54:09,620 --> 00:54:11,370 Yvonne, Gillian. 958 00:54:11,380 --> 00:54:12,450 I've been ringing you. 959 00:54:12,460 --> 00:54:14,970 We had no idea. We didn't even know that she was pregnant. 960 00:54:14,980 --> 00:54:17,370 She said you'd chucked her out. She never even told us! 961 00:54:17,380 --> 00:54:20,210 Did you not get my messages? I've been in meetings all day at work, 962 00:54:20,220 --> 00:54:22,410 I only got wind of it when Dad phoned my secretary. 963 00:54:22,420 --> 00:54:23,730 Alastair's going to go mad, 964 00:54:23,740 --> 00:54:25,810 he's going to go through the bloody ceiling. 965 00:54:25,820 --> 00:54:28,610 Has your son never heard of condoms? Eh, don't you start on my son. 966 00:54:28,620 --> 00:54:31,650 What's your daughter doing putting it about so much? Now, steady on. 967 00:54:31,660 --> 00:54:34,140 We don't even know it is Raff's. Keep calm. And you an' all. 968 00:54:36,540 --> 00:54:38,260 So...it's a girl? 969 00:54:39,500 --> 00:54:42,130 They're just giving her a few stitches, Ellie, 970 00:54:42,140 --> 00:54:44,380 then we can go and have a look. 971 00:54:47,580 --> 00:54:48,980 PHONE BEEPS 972 00:55:02,020 --> 00:55:04,850 Yeah, but it's a bit interesting that she did lie, isn't it? 973 00:55:04,860 --> 00:55:07,050 Don't you make judgement about me, about my family. 974 00:55:07,060 --> 00:55:09,250 Nobody's making judgement, love. I'm just saying. 975 00:55:09,260 --> 00:55:11,810 It's a bit interesting that she couldn't tell her own mum. 976 00:55:11,820 --> 00:55:14,860 Are you listening to this? Dad! I'm staying out of it. 977 00:55:17,700 --> 00:55:21,970 Well, we've got married and had a baby in just 48 hours. 978 00:55:21,980 --> 00:55:24,690 We're on fire. We're cooking with gas. 979 00:55:24,700 --> 00:55:26,460 There's no stopping us. 980 00:55:35,700 --> 00:55:37,610 You're... 981 00:55:37,620 --> 00:55:40,010 It's poisonous saying something like that, 982 00:55:40,020 --> 00:55:42,010 you don't even know us, you don't know me. 983 00:55:42,020 --> 00:55:43,850 You know she doesn't like you. 984 00:55:43,860 --> 00:55:46,530 Shit-stirrer. Don't you dare! 985 00:55:46,540 --> 00:55:48,770 Oh, they know it all, don't they? 986 00:55:48,780 --> 00:55:51,020 Except how to avoid getting pregnant. 987 00:55:52,380 --> 00:55:54,060 I want to be somebody's mum. 988 00:55:55,140 --> 00:55:57,890 It's true, she does want a baby. How? 989 00:55:57,900 --> 00:56:01,340 It's going to get very confused about who its mother is. 990 00:56:03,180 --> 00:56:04,500 Ambulance.